what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
