just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
