It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
