I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
