i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
