I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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