I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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