that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
