I showed him my bush... on skype.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
