stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
