My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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