I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
