He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
