I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize