At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
