I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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