I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
