sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nicole vs. Life
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is my gift to your gina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
