I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
