Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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