he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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