dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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