i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
