my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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