he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
