You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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