get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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