Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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