dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
