i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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