She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I supernannyed him into submission
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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