oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
