You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
