can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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