I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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