My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
