I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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