talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
