You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
