She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
