Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
