I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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