Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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