dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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