Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
