i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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