Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
