I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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