I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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