Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
