we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
