1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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