He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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