One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
