I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
