I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
