The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
