well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
