i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
