i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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