so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
