Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize