I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
