My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
