I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
