don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
