I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
