i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
