Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
