please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize