i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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