the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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