things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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