Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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