So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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